Little Black Girl Lost Chapter 3

Sobbing softly and curled in a fetal position, Johnnie thought about what happened to her. The pain subsided, but she could feel the warm blood between her legs and on the bed. Johnnie lost something vital to her sense of being, something essential to her sense of self-worth, something she could never have again. Then she realized that Earl Shamus would be back and he expected her to do it again. The thought of him touching her made her skin crawl. Suddenly, she could smell the wine on his breath and hear his animal-like groans of ecstasy again. She felt her stomach heave, but there was nothing to throw up.

Johnnie could hear Earl Shamus and her mother talking in the living room, but she couldn't understand what they were saying. Moments later, Marguerite walked into the bedroom. Johnnie wore a vacant look on her face. Marguerite could see that her daughter's mind was in another place. Marguerite understood how Johnnie felt because she had been through it too. I got over it and so will she. "You a woman now, girl," Marguerite said, attempting to comfort her.

Johnnie didn't say anything. She was extremely quiet, still unable to believe what had happened to her.

"And ain't no need in frettin' about yo' virginity. I did you a favor. You was gon' lose it someday anyway. Probably to some good for nothin' nigga who ain't got nothin', ain't never had nothin', and ain't gon' never get nothin'. All men are the same, girl. They all want what you got between yo' legs. And they'll do anything to get it. That's for sure. You might as well get somethin' for it. Ain't no need in blamin' 'em for the way they is. That's how they made. That's somethin' all women eventually realize. Trouble is we always think if we love 'em enough, this one'll be different, but they ain't. They all the same. Even yo' brother, Benny, is the same. Now, you got a choice, girl. You can either give it away for free and hope his love will be enough, or you can take advantage of his weakness. It's up to you."

"Mr. Shamus say I gotta do this again, Mama. Is that right?"

"For a little while, just until we get on our feet. But the next time it won't be as bad. Now get up and take a hot bath and you'll feel a lot better."

"I don't think I'll ever feel better, Mama."

"You will in time, child. You will in time."

New Book Cover

Please Sign My Book